the more you hurt me, the more i love you...

it sounds stupid, crazy, and pity. but i think, those are all the things that i feel. every time we stare, we look stupid and look like foe. but for me, your face just make my day colorful. and for me, although you are quite annoying but it makes my day so beautiful. i have felt my day so flat when i couldn't even spoke a single word to you. and it kills me. it makes my mood so bad and i wish it wouldn't happened again. (but today it happened >.<)

now, i am rewinding all the moment that we have passed. the first moment we introduced ourselves. and started on that time, we were starting to make a small fight. and others sweet moments that almost blur but so expensive to be sold. others beautiful moments that we have passed with smile, anger, care and a simple love. but i don't know whether you have the last component or not.
all the sweet moments. the moment we sang together, had same favorite songs, were walking under the same umbrella. it is beautiful but it is an ugly truth that you can't be mine. and i can't be yours (because you don't want to and you don't even need me. C=)
today, i felt you are so far away. you were trying to talk to me, but i can't. you were trying to get my attention but i ignored it. i felt bad for doing that. until you move farther from my seat and i feel so lonely. (exaggerate...) i felt, the farther you go, the more feeling i felt. but the nearer you are, i felt nothing. sounds stupid and funny. so many sentences that i can used to picturize what i feel. but no single word (such as, love, care, miss, etc.) to picturize what kind of feeling that i have for you.
simply i can't say this is love, because i don't even understand what love is. maybe this is the feeling of liking someone. some selfish feeling that really need a reply as soon as possible. but now, the thing that i can conclude is the more you hurt me - by saying ,"you ugly, stupid, fat, freaky lady (...and so on)" and i feel you care of me and the more i love you.
so what do you say?do you agree that i am a freaky girl that forcing you to love her?or just a stupid girl that hoping something impossible?answer it!
xoxo
C=